The 10 Stages of Being Ghosted

The 10 Stages of Being Ghosted
March 3, 2019 vw1983

1. Irrational Fear

2. Irrational Anger


Irrational hope. You’re not naive. You’re not deluded. You are CHOOSING to [be positive about this].believe the positive. Maybe they did actually get hit by a car.

A girl can dream.


The group chat remains solidly optimistic. They were sold on him since that time he gave you that once nice compliment and checked you got home okay. What a hero.




the group chat has assembled and the required number of ayes recorded. Protocal double text has been initiated with all due consideration given to the potential destruction (mainly of your dignity) that such a move may result in. With grace and humility you.

7 hours later


24 hours later


48 hours later


Oh god. He is. He actually is.



Even the group chat finally admits defeat. Hopeful optimism has turned to


Your mind is blown.


Did you ever really know him.

Well no, it had been like a month. But that’s not the point.

Did you ever REALLY know him?


You remember that story he told you about his childhood memory of X and how he nearly cried because he was #vulnerable

Maybe that effected him.

Just kidding.

He only told you that to check the ‘vulnerability’ checkbox of the ‘Am I Ready’ questionnaire.

Sneaky. Bloody. Bastard.


Moral Outrage

Who does this? Loads of people. Okay. Not the point.


Thanks to the irrationality displayed in phases 1-3 your friends are all now



All you need is to write a message that retains the highground while tapping in to his deepest fears in 25 words or less.

Nochalant. Elegant. Deadly.

You don’t send it though. In trying to take the high ground you spent some time there and kinda liked it.

Plus you’re secretly hoping to get him back. Goes without saying.

Existential crisis –

will you ever meet anyone you like back? will you die alone? will they find you before your cats start to eat you?



Blame the Apps – the apps ruined men.

Men had been nothing but lovely & wonderful to women for centuries and now this.

Hate on Walt disney – lies it was all lies.

Wonder why all the men the same age as you seem to have dedicated the next three years to meeting financial/career goals and banging as many girls as possible.

Okay. I don’t need an answer to the second part.

Oscillate between wondering what’s wrong with you



And thinking how gutted he’s going to be when he realises he’s made the biggest mistake OF HIS LIFE.


YouTube/Google – watch some videos from some single dudes talking about why dudes are like dudes are.



Go on some forum where someone with too much time emphatically tells someone they’ve never met


Look at the message the last guy who ghosted you sent you 4 months later.

Ha. Sucker.


Go on amazon and donwload some terrible ebook about how to get your ex back.


The first chapter skillfuly reminds you that the goal is to actually find someone who (a) thinks you’re awesome and (b) is fully emotionally competent.

You no longer want your ex back. And all for £0.99p. Bargain. £19.98 worth of


It’s time to get back out there….


So you return to Hinge. Where the likes have been accruing in your absence.


Damn girl.



And you’re back.

The illusion that f*ckboy was worth a single tear has been shattered.

Matrix style.


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